Love Won Out

This morning while sending an email to encourage someone who is in the throes of caregiving, this question popped into my head, “what happens when love wins out?”. I stopped a moment to think about it. Then I remembered years ago I wanted to write a book about my experiences as a caregiver to my parents. The title of the book was going to be “Love Won Out”. Since I believe in the Sovereignty of God and not coincidences, I knew right away that the Lord was once again getting my attention to do something with it. But what, “I pondered”. During that brief but what moment, the Holy Spirit said, “just write it out”. So here goes my answer to what happens when love wins out. Bear with me because my emotions are all over the place.

One of my greatest challenges was being a caregiver to my parents. I use that word very loosely too! However, it was one of my greatest rewards as well! In hindsight now, I would not change one thing because the experience made me stronger!

My relationship with my parents could be described as a plethora of emotions that often ran the gamut from love to hate all of it centering around “what can they do for me” or “what they didn’t do for me”. For years, I blamed them for everything that happened and did not happen in my life. They were my scapegoats. When life was not going according to my plans or was not working out for my good, I blamed them. It was because of them I never went to medical school; it was because of them I married the wrong guy; it was because of them I divorced; it was because of them I was angry; and had wasted my life! Them, them, them was my mantra for years along with if they had done such and such then I would have and be such and such! This distorted view of my parents kept me from truly loving and wanting to be around them. However, I could never cut them completely out of my life despite wanting to do so many times.

Both of my parents are now deceased, and I miss them immensely! My love for them has deepened since their passing and my heart aches for their presence now. There are days when a memory will surface in my mind causing me to either cry, laugh or become angry. But I’m always left with the thought “Lord, why me”. When this happens, I am always reminded of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. You see this scripture helped me to understand how love wins out! I have learned that It was through love that healing took place; and freedom was given to endure through difficult moments and circumstances. Love helped me to rise above the perceived wrongs and take care of my parents as daughter who let love win!

Becoming my parent’s caregiver was definitely a paradigm shift that altered my perspective about who my parents were and had become. It also awakened me to the reality of how a person’s choices can impact the life of another. It was because of a changed perspective and a corrected misconception that helped me with my decision to become their caregiver. Trust me it was not an overnight decision either. It took prayer, soul searching, repentance and most of all forgiveness. Forgiveness for them as well as for myself. However, I am grateful and thankful to God for allowing it all to happen because it made me a better person. This experience taught me humility, patience and self-control but the greatest lesson was learning to give and love despite circumstances beyond my control.

In reflection, my parents really did give me a good childhood. Although, I desired to hear the words “I love you”, I have grown to understand that love is action. My parents’ love was expressed in the things they did for me. I’m okay with that because their doing for me help me to become the woman I am today! Praise God for choosing them for me and allowing me to love in action, word and deed! Amen